Atheist Physics Teacher

In my local paper, The Long Island Advance, there is a weekly (as is the paper) segment titled From the Archives of the Long Island Advance, in which they present some news clips from 100, 75, and 50 years ago. A lot of the news is so mundane that I find it to be very funny. I hope that you do too.


From 100 years ago:

• Miss Mae Andrus entertained a dozen of her school girl
  friends with music and games, it being her 12th birthday
• A curiosity in the shape of a pretty white rat with pink
  eyes was caught in the barn of C.M. Hedges in East Patchogue.
• Local firemen are discussing the possibilities of securing
  a siren whistle as a fire alarm.

From 50 years ago:

• The three pupils of the Brookhaven School who took the
  Regents examinations had the following marks: Ruth Ballard,
  arithmetic 100, spelling 88; Elsa Kip, arithmetic 96,
  spelling 88; Elizabeth Kuzmech, arithmetic 93, spelling 88.
• Miss Marion Byers of Bellport is attending the ice carnival
  at Williams College in Massachusetts.

It had been quiet a while since I was excited about a new Metallica album. Actually I had never been excited for one before, since I only started listening to them around the time Reload came out, and I only heard negative things about St. Anger (feel free to disagree in comments). The best thing about a band releasing a new album is that it is almost always followed by a tour.

Sure enough, Metallica was scheduled to play at Nassau Coliseum at the end of January 2009. A friend of mine knew someone who worked at the Coliseum, who thought they could get him in for free, and I was really jealous. I wasn’t sure if anyone else was going, so I didn’t buy a ticket. The day before the concert, my friend finds out he is going for free, and I scrambled to find a ticket. I figured that I could, at least, drive there and back with him. My father-in-law sells merch at the Coliseum, and he offered to buy a ticket for me from the box office since he would be there a few hours early. I’m in.

We get to the show, and I hang out with my friend, hoping I could tag along with them to their seats. But they don’t have regular seats, they will be enjoying the show from an unoccupied luxury box, and they can get me in too. Sweet!

We get up there and they have hot food out (pretzels, hot dogs, burgers) and cold beer in the fridge, all on the house. They even brought more beer later on. The box is like a hotel room, with a bathroom, a kitchen area, and a couch and a couple chairs. This is where the food was and where we hung out during the opening bands.

When Metallica came on we moved down to the seats of the box, and the show was great. Although no one was blocking us, the view wasn’t that great because we were up really high, but it’s about the music, right?

Getting to see one of my favorite bands + free food and beer + not dealing with a crowd + private bathroom = Top 5 Concert.

Dredged from the depths of Reddit:

(Actually it was on the front page. I usually don't get more than 3-4 pages deep.)

I don't really have much to add to this, but I'll muster something up.

I, personally, haven't been harassed about my atheism (not seriously, anyway) and I know that among my brothers and sisters in less tolerant places in the country/world I am counted lucky. Humor me one example:

As you may have guessed from that title up on the top of the page, I am a teacher. Working in a school means I am often expected to participate in the Pledge of Allegiance. Besides the fact that our school children recite this short verse so frequently that it has grown almost completely meaningless, I don't really have too much of a problem with it. I just refuse to say the "under god" part. That's reasonable anyway, since "under god" was not added until 62 years after the pledge was penned. (The original pledge is quoted below)

Whenever I mention my distaste for those eight letters people usually respond in some way that amounts to, at least to me, "Your opinion and feelings don't matter to us because the vast majority of Americans believe in some god so don't make a big deal about it crybaby." Maybe that is just my irrational emotions, but they are backed up by the 1st Amendment of the mother fucking Constitution of the United States.

I have experienced disrespect from Christians, for simply sharing my feelings about something that is important to me, but god forbid anybody criticize their beliefs or religious institutions.

Even when the pope helps pedophiles get away with molesting children.

"I pledge allegiance to my flag and the republic for which it stands: one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all."

I just finished listening to Superfreakonomics. It was really good, and I especially liked the epilogue, which was about monkey prostitution. Read that again. Monkey prostitution, that’s right.

This whole thing began as a study to find out if monkeys could adopt an economy. The researchers used something like washers as money, and the first thing they had to do was teach the monkey’s their value. A researcher would hand a monkey a coin and if/when the monkey gave it back the researcher would give the monkey a piece of fruit. Eventually the monkeys learned the value of money, and even learned to handle a fluctuating economy.

One day a male stole the coins from the research room and brought them back to the cage where all the monkeys lived. Sure enough, the male with all the coins gave one to a female and within minutes they were boning down.

Talk about the world’s oldest profession.

Genesis 15

Abram complains to God that he doesn’t have any children, but God reassures him that Abram’s descendents will be “as numerous as the stars.” (Genesis 15:5, NRSV) Abram makes the required sacrifice, and falls into a deep sleep, in which God tells him, “Know this for certain, that your offspring shall be aliens in a land that is not theirs, and shall be slaves there, and they shall be oppressed for four hundred year; but I will being judgment on the nation that they serve, and afterward they shall come out with great possessions.” (15:13-15, NRSV)

Obviously this is a foreshadowing, a pretty blatant one, of the Jew’s time in Egypt. Reading this passage raises many questions in my mind about this god. Is he just foretelling the future like a psychic, or will he be the cause of the oppression? If the former, couldn’t he do anything to prevent centuries of oppression of his chosen people? If God can bring judgment on “the nation that they serve” couldn’t he just prevent the whole ordeal? If the latter, why? To prove the Jews are worth being the chosen people?

Genesis 16

Sarai tells Abram that since she could not bear him a child, he should take her handmaiden Hagar as a wife. The son Hagar bears for him would, apparently, be considered the child of Sarai and Abram. Abram agrees to this, either in spite of what God had just told him or because he felt this would fulfill God’s promise. Hagar conceives a child and proceeds to “look with contempt on her mistress.” (Genesis 16:4, NRSV)

I can understand the response, I guess, since I have known some bitchy people. Hagar accomplishes something Sarai could not and looks down on her because of this (even though Sarai is wicked old and her lady parts don’t really work anymore).

Sarai doesn’t take this attitude too kindly. “May the wrong done to me be on you!” she yells at Abram. What the fuck!?!? How is Hagar’s attitude his fault? Women…psh. Abram, the ever patient husband tells her that since Hagar is her slave-girl, Sarai should “do with her as you please.” (16:6, NRSV) Sarai gives her what-for and she runs off.

Hagar is out in the wilderness and an angel appears and tells her to go back to Sarai and to submit to her. The angel tells Hagar that he will greatly multiply her offspring, and that she should name her son Ishmael, who will be “a wild ass of a man, with his hand against everyone, and everyone’s hand against him.” (16:12, NRSV) What is that all about? This is the Ishmael, mind you, that is considered the ancestor of the Arab people and a prophet of Islam. I don’t get it.

I recently entered the Reddit WritersGroup Prompt Contest IV. The prompt:

Write a story about a character witnessing some sudden, catastrophic event. It could be a bombing, an auto accident, a random murder, a very public breakup, or something less lame. The event should be sudden and out-of-flow with the character's life, and you should depict an aftermath.

I focused on the "something less lame" part, and I went with the other extreme, the most awesome event - the big bang. I figured I'd try to write something from the perspective of the universe itself, and it ended up being a poem.

Please leave criticism if you like!


"The Universe"

An explosion of
immense proportions.
I am energized. Unlimited
potential. The searing heat fires
my soul. The blinding light stimulates
my mind. The force swells within me. The
force is me. Many forces, but one only. There
is a soup – a boiling, bubbling, delicious soup. I drink
it in. It fills me up, but my capacity is unlimited. I
am growing, growing, growing, More quickly
than you can comprehend. I am Behemoth,
Ziz, Leviathan. Cooling off now, things
start to make sense. Colder still,
and I can see everything.
Can this last forever?
Can I last forever?
I am alone.

Don't Pray On Me
Bad Religion
Recipe for Hate

A grizzly scene on my electron beam
Told a story about human rights
So all of king's horses and all of king's men
Had a riot for two days and nights
Well, the city exploded but the gates wouldn't open
So the company asked him to quit
Now everybody's equal
Just don't measure it

Well, Hanson did it to Hester
And Mark David did it to John
And maybe Jack did it to Marilyn
But he did it to South Vietnam
For beauty and glory
For money, love, and country
Now everybody's doing it
Don't do that to me

A bitter debate and a feminine fate
Lie in tandem like two precious babes
While the former gets warmer, it's the latter that matters
Except on the nation's airwaves
And custodians of public opinion state facts
After vainly discussing her rights
Lay hands off her body
It's not your fucking life

Now I don't know what stopped Jesus Christ
From turning every hungry stone into bread
And I don't remember hearing how Moses reacted
When the innocent first born sons lay dead
Well, I guess God was a lot more demonstrative
Back when he flamboyantly parted the sea
Now everybody's praying
Don't pray on me